


sharing beds like little kids

by speckledfeathers



Category: IT (Movies - Muschietti), IT - Stephen King
Genre: Anxiety, Boys In Love, Cuddling & Snuggling, Eddie Kaspbrak Has ADHD, Eddie Kaspbrak Loves Richie Tozier, Holding Hands, Idiots in Love, Love Confessions, M/M, Nonverbal Communication, Richie Tozier Loves Eddie Kaspbrak, Richie Tozier Takes Care of Eddie Kaspbrak, Sensory Overload, Soft Eddie Kaspbrak, Soft Eddie Kaspbrak/Richie Tozier, Soft Richie Tozier, so does richie but this fic focuses on eddie's symptoms, they are 16 here
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-07
Updated: 2020-12-07
Packaged: 2021-03-10 05:07:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,223
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27939435
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/speckledfeathers/pseuds/speckledfeathers
Summary: “Oh.” Richie flipped onto his stomach and adjusted his glasses, leaving Eddie to stare at the mess of hair he didn’t bother fixing. “It’s one of those nights, huh?”Eddie nodded.Richie nodded back. “Okay, okay. That’s okay, I get it. Do you want me to go?”The thought of that made Eddie’s anxiety spike so he frantically shook his head no, finally letting their eyes meet. His were glossed over, like he was on the verge of crying, and Richie instantly noticed.“Okay.” There was a soft and understanding smile paired with that one simple word, and that was all it took for Eddie to feel a bit calmer. “I can stay as long as you want.”----aka eddie kaspbrak deserves to get taken care of, too
Relationships: Eddie Kaspbrak/Richie Tozier
Comments: 7
Kudos: 144





	sharing beds like little kids

**Author's Note:**

> if you could guess by the title— i wrote this while listening to ribs by lorde
> 
> eddie's state of being in this fic is drawn directly from my experiences with sensory overload and anxiety from my adhd, when things get too much i shut down and become pretty non-verbal. my vocabulary consists of nods, head shakes, yes, no, and thank you. i feel like we talk a lot about how richie tries to shrink away and become invisible when he's in public, but not enough about how eddie suffers in silence. so, this is him being taken care of by someone who loves him.

**8:06 PM**

Eddie’s eyes were glued to the clock next to his bed. Other than the dim desk lamp across the room, the saturated red of the digital numbers was the only light source, tinting his face very subtly as it sat wedged between his folded knees. Eyes were blank, arms were wrapped around his legs, back hunched over so he took up as little space as possible.

He watched as the clock flickered forward another minute— the most movement the room had seen all night.

**8:07 PM**

Tapping.

It’s quiet, repetitive, pausing every third tap. Eddie hears it but it gets lost in the fog of his busy mind for a solid 30 seconds. Once it gets a bit louder it manages to break through and Eddie is left blinking, brows furrowing together in confusion as he lifts his head up and away from his knees.

Three more taps and he turns towards his window, finally realizing what was happening.

“Richie?”

There was a pair of thick glasses glaring at him from the other side of the glass, and Eddie watched as his friend’s eyebrows and shoulders raised when he said his name. Kind of like a _‘took you long enough, can you please let me in now?’_

After letting a drawn out, tired sigh, Eddie made his heavy limbs move to uncurl his body from the position it had grown used to. But his feet were light as he crossed the floor, not wanting to draw attention from the only other person in the house with him.

Richie gave him a toothy, cheesy smile as he unlocked his window and slowly lifted it up. He shook his head once they were face to face, but Richie only ruffled his hair against his will and immediately let himself in.

“Man, your head is in the clouds tonight Eddie. You left me sitting out there for like 15 minutes!” This was as close to a whisper as Richie would ever get. So far, they hadn’t ever gotten caught when one of these surprise visits happened, but Eddie was still anxious that their good luck would eventually run out.

His eyes glanced back to his clock. The time was 8:09. There were so many things he could say to Richie— so many things. But instead he took a deep breath, sighed, and rolled his eyes as he slowly shut the window and locked them in.

The bed creaked as Richie flopped onto it, leaving his feet to hang off the edge and start swinging back and forth while he got a good view of the ceiling. “So, what’s on the agenda for tonight Spagheds? Do we need to discuss the last X-Men comic? Please tell me you read it.”

Eddie hummed something noncommittal in response, taking his place on the bed exactly where he had been before Richie arrived.

There was silence. Eddie didn’t have the energy to do much of anything else.

Then Richie swiveled his head around to look at him, glasses riding up onto his forehead and messy waves flaring out in all directions against the sheets. “Eds? You okay?”

Eddie managed to lift one shoulder to shrug, not sure about what he was feeling or how to put it to words.

“Oh.” Richie flipped onto his stomach and adjusted his glasses, leaving Eddie to stare at the mess of hair he didn’t bother fixing. “It’s one of those nights, huh?”

Eddie nodded.

Richie nodded back. “Okay, okay. That’s okay, I get it. Do you want me to go?”

The thought of that made Eddie’s anxiety spike so he frantically shook his head no, finally letting their eyes meet. His were glossed over, like he was on the verge of crying, and Richie instantly noticed.

“Okay.” There was a soft and understanding smile paired with that one simple word, and that was all it took for Eddie to feel a bit calmer. “I can stay as long as you want.”

The two of them knew each other so well at this point in their lives that Eddie didn’t have to ‘say’ anymore than that— he didn’t have to say anything at all. They moved together without another word being muttered, albeit a bit clumsy, but that was typical for them. Neither of them were bothered by accidental closeness or unplanned touches— that’s just how they were. It was almost a language to them, a way that they both said I Trust You without actually needing to say it.

Eddie appreciated it even more on these particular days, when his mind was busy and his words wouldn’t cooperate. He was able to make sure Richie knew he was present as they moved to the head of his bed and slid their backs against the wall, hands reaching for the mess of hair Richie had left behind. Eddie combed his fingers through it, moving it to where he thought it looked best. And Richie smiled, trying to hide it and failing completely.

They were shoulder to shoulder once they finally settled, and Richie leaned forward to pull a blanket up over their legs. “How’s that?”

Eddie nodded, slowly curling into the position he was in earlier. The blanket caught on his knees as they lifted to meet with his chest, but luckily there was enough to keep Richie covered too.

Then he snaked one hand underneath the other boy’s arm and hooked his elbow around it. He felt Richie stiffen for a brief moment before he once again relaxed and let Eddie move him where he wanted. 

And where Eddie wanted him was as close as possible. Richie’s lanky arm now belonged to him, and he was hugging it like a teddy bear as he adjusted closer and found a way to use his friend’s shoulder as a pillow.

“Snug as a bug in a rug, yeah?” Richie didn’t expect or need an answer from him. It was enough for him to feel the light brush of Eddie’s bangs against his shoulder, and the warmth being shared between them where their arms were pressed together.

Richie was grateful Eddie couldn’t see him as they sat together. Every time he felt his friend nuzzle his shoulder to hide his face a bit more, or scooch an inch closer to soak up the warmth, Richie’s cheeks flushed a slightly brighter shade of pink.

“Thank you, Rich.”

The sound of his voice immediately perked Richie up, eyes brightening as he tried to stifle a smile. Instinctively he moved closer and let out a content sigh. “You don’t need to thank me, Eds. I’m always gonna be here for you.” Eddie was always taking care of him— maybe with a little bit of yelling, a whole lot of stubborn finger wagging, and some hyper-focused intensity. But that’s who Eddie was. And Richie was more than happy to switch places with him when the rare occasion to do so presented itself.

Eddie sounded so small and soft, his voice partly muffled against the shoulder he was squished against, and Richie wished he could see those dark eyes of his. They were big and beautiful and always so telling, which Richie loved. They were easy to get lost in.

What Richie couldn’t see right now was the muddled mix of emotions pooling in Eddie’s eyes. Soon there were silent streaks trailing across his face at odd angles, the paths ending when they reached the fabric of Richie’s shirt. He desperately hoped that Richie wouldn’t notice, using all his strength to stifle the mild gasps his lungs were begging him for. The grip on Richie’s arm tightened slightly, though he didn’t mean for it to, as his body went still with the effort to keep his composure. Eventually he clamped his eyes shut as well, holding on to his best friend for dear life, afraid he would fracture apart if he let go.

“You ever think about how we’re gonna need to get jobs soon? And we’re gonna have to start looking at colleges soon, too. Fucking crazy!” Richie started talking— the thing he did best. And Eddie’s eyes snapped open at the sound of his voice.

He allowed himself a soft sniffle as Richie continued. “You know, once we graduate I’m going to miss everyone. All of our friends. But the truth is that I’ll miss you the most.”

Those words made Eddie’s heart flutter. He sniffled again, nuzzling further into Richie’s shoulder even though he couldn’t get any closer. His vision was still blurred, the world around him a marbled mess of dimly lit colors. But he didn’t dare wipe away his tears for fear that Richie would find out he’d been crying.

The seconds ticked by. Eddie wondered if Richie would say anything else, and he found himself missing the sound of his voice. _Ha,_ imagine that. They could never get Richie to shut up, and now Eddie was silently wishing he would open his mouth and just say.. anything.

And eventually, he did.

“Honestly, Eds?”

 _Oh._ His voice sounded so.. sincere. Eddie listened for even a trace of the loudmouth’s usual witty edge, but to his surprise he couldn’t find it. So he listened, hanging on the edge of every word.

“I would follow you anywhere if it meant I wouldn’t ever have to miss you.”

Then Richie tilted his head down, just far enough so that it was resting gently on top of Eddie’s. The extra weight and warmth was like a security blanket, soft and protective. And he found himself almost wanting to cry again.

Between each of Richie’s little comments, there was silence. But for the first time in as long as Eddie could remember, it wasn’t stifling. It was welcoming and comforting, because he knew that he wasn’t alone and that Richie would come back shortly.

“You’re fucking brilliant, Eds. You’re gonna go places, you know that right? Whatever you want to do, you can do it. Fuck what your mom says, fuck what anyone else says.”

Eddie listened, wondering if this was real. Richie seemed to believe every single word coming out of his mouth. Why? How? There was no way Eddie deserved any of this. 

The weight of it all settled in his stomach and leeched its way into his chest. He felt lost. His body didn’t know what to do with such tenderness. Every day for the past 16 years of his existence, the world had taught him in various ways that he wasn’t meant for kindness. He wasn’t meant for gentle touches or tender words. He hadn’t earned such luxuries, not now and not ever.

And yet.. here was Richie Tozier, his best friend. Never one to hold back with his sharp-edged comments. He often wondered if the taller boy had ever muttered a genuine word in his entire life, and tonight he was getting his answer.

Richie made him feel loved. He made him feel as close to as invincible as he would ever be. 

“Sometimes I wanna just say: screw everyone else— why don’t we just run away together?”

Eddie smiled.

Yeah. Screw everyone else. Why don’t they just run away together?

Maybe someday Eddie would be brave enough to run away. He felt shackled to this house, to this town, to the dark things waiting for him around every corner. Everyday he strained against the weight chained to his limbs, like he was petering on the edge and any second he would be dragged down and plunged into the deep dark water. And that’s where he would stay forever— alone, forgotten, cold and wanting.

But at least right now, at least for these few fleeting seconds with Richie, he could pretend that they would escape this place. And that was enough.

Time was moving at a strange pace as the two of them sat there together. The chaos in Eddie’s brain had quieted down to a soft hum, and finally he was feeling like maybe sleep would be possible tonight. And since Richie had gone silent, Eddie wasn’t about to make him leave. Not when he was feeling so calm.

With every second that ticked by, Eddie’s eyelids were feeling heavier and heavier. They fluttered open and closed a few times, letting him know that sleep was right there for the taking, and Eddie was ready to let it wash over him.

But Richie..

“—I love you, Eds.”

**What?**

Four words, and Eddie’s heart was racing. Big, brown eyes were no longer waiting for sleep— they were open wide and searching for an answer that he wouldn’t find hidden in the facets of his room.

The way Richie said it— it was nothing like Eddie had ever heard him say before. Even compared to the things he was saying earlier, this was different. It was vulnerable and soft. It was scared and genuine. It was almost like Richie was asking a question even though he didn’t want Eddie to give him an answer.

Richie loved him.

And Eddie was just as scared, because the only thing he could think right now was—

_I love you too, Richie._

Words had been tough to come by tonight, and this just made it worse. Eddie’s mind was racing, Richie’s confession giving it one hell of a jumpstart back into the overdrive it had been in before. He wanted to say it back. He wanted to say anything. But he just.. couldn’t.

So he did the only thing he could think to do.

As slowly and precisely as he could manage, Eddie took the hand of the arm linked around Richie’s and moved it down. His eyes were locked on Richie’s empty hand that was sitting between them, heart beating fast, chest tight with anxiety.

It only took a few moments but it felt like years, and when his fingertips brushed against the top of Richie’s hand he could feel the magnetic pull between them. It scared him. But it filled him with so much desperation that it felt like he would never be whole until he did this one simple thing.

So Eddie Kaspbrak convinced himself he could be brave, and he took Richie’s hand in his own.

Their palms came together and it was like they were always meant to be there, existing with the other. Richie’s hand was strong and warm, bigger than his own but gentle and tentative. Eddie found the spaces between Richie’s fingers and gently pried them apart so that he could fill in the gaps, intertwining them together like he had thought about so many times throughout the years.

This was his way of saying: _I love you too. I always have. And I always will._

This was his way of saying: _I would run away with you too._

This was his way of saying: _I don’t ever want to know what it would be like to miss you._

Richie hadn’t fought Eddie’s advancement but he went stiff for a while, surprised at the fact that Eddie was even awake. A confession met on unconscious ears was what he had expected— it was easier to bare your soul when the person you were in love with couldn’t hear your deepest, darkest secret.

But, it seemed, Richie had no such luck tonight. Eddie had been awake for the whole thing. And now..

They were holding hands.

Maybe he was dreaming. That was the best explanation, right? There was no way he could get away with confessing his love for his best friend and then get to hold his hand as they sat pressed together under warm blankets.

Richie dared to glance down at where their hands sat between them and practically passed out at the sight of it. He even made a point to adjust his grip, letting himself feel Eddie’s hand pressed against his and melting at the touch. He never wanted to let go. Never, ever, ever.

And so Richie smiled, expression full of everything from love to disbelief that somehow he had gotten this lucky and that his life had at least this one memory to hold onto.

The two of them looked at their hands together, unknowing to the fact that the other was looking as well. Richie softly and tenderly traced his thumb up and down Eddie’s for a few minutes, hoping it would help Eddie fall asleep.

It did. Eventually they both drifted off, perfectly content in their own little world.

Sometime later Eddie woke up, and their positions had shifted. Somehow they both left their places up against the wall and lazily tangled together on the bed. The blanket was in a messy pile at their feet, as he discovered after feeling a chill run down the length of his body, and in his half-asleep state he instinctively went to move closer to Richie.

That’s when he realized just how close they were. Their legs were haphazardly layered together and both sets of arms were wrapped tightly around each other. Eddie had been pressed flat to Richie’s chest, safe and warm, tucked underneath Richie’s chin.

Ever so carefully, Eddie glanced around as he gained more awareness. He sat up just far enough to pinch the end of the blanket with two fingers, then dragged it back over both of them.

Richie hummed, readjusting as Eddie moved but his eyes stayed closed. His glasses were crooked across his face, so Eddie took it upon himself to take them off and set them on his table in front of his alarm clock.

Again, Richie made a sleepy hum, this time his brows stitching together in confusion. “—mmm Eds? You okay? Should I go?”

“No.” Eddie whispered back, placing a finger over Richie’s lips as he scooched back down next to him. Richie Trashmouth would never be good at whispering, would he? “You can go back to sleep. Everything’s okay.”

The last response Eddie got was a sleepy sigh and then Richie was out again. Eddie took the opportunity to study his face as he set his head back down on the mattress. This was the most peaceful he had ever seen him, and Eddie figured he would remember it for the rest of his life. The way his chest moved when he breathed, the way his messy curls flopped to one side, and the way he seemed so vulnerable without his glasses on. This was Richie Tozier at his softest, and Eddie could feel his heart swell with more love than he had ever thought himself capable of.

Earlier in the night, Eddie had been so lost and alone, choking under the pressure of his own thoughts. And sure, there was still some of that heaviness in him, but it was nothing compared to how it was. That was thanks to Richie. He made him feel safe, just by being here. Just by being his friend, just by caring, just by.. being who he was.

They would have a lot to talk about once they woke up, but for now Eddie was eager to get back to sleep. So he wrapped his arms back around Richie and closed the space between them, pressing close to Richie’s chest and dozing off to the sound of his heartbeat. It grounded him, made him feel present. And soon he was able to fall asleep again, safe and sound.


End file.
